MY PATH TO SPIRITUAL WELLNESS
Started With An Invitation To Self Awareness.
Kind of like a Eureka moment.
Only way bigger.
Life miraculously switched on.
Under The Paradisiacal Halo Of A Zillion Watt Lightbulb.
Old School Incandescent.
Swinging from the ceiling.
Shining through my eyes to my Soul.
Delivered By The Divine.
Yeah, I’ve Had A Few, Then Again …
Three to be exact.
The one’s I remember.
I’ve been counting.
I may have missed a couple.
Lasted Forty-Two Years.
Not coincidentally, the exact length of time I chose to ignore it.
Call Me Good, Call Me Bad – A Decade of Cognitive Dissonance – Call Me Conflicted.
I didn’t learn.
Time out, Bubba.
Numero Tre delivered with a dire warning:
The Universe wasn’t putting up with my Bovine Feces any longer.
The consequences real and irreversible this time.
A strict No Return, No Refund Policy.
Plus, I lost my receipt for Lame Excuses.
“The stench of your hypocrisy is unbearable, sir.”
So, there wouldn’t be another broken covenant to shrug off and discard onto the heap of disaccord I’d been trumpeting in denial and arrogance.
5 MONTHS LATER …
I’d made another pompous declaration about a big, fat selfish promise – My Favorite Kind – I wasn’t going to keep.
A prophetically pathetic plea bargain espousing a forthcoming metamorphic change in Self.
In fair exchange for immunity from hard, undoable penance.
It happened not.
I HEARD CRICKETS
Chirping In The Mangroves of Oblivion.
That You, Father?
Humming Brown Sugar.
Finishing up whatever ever it was He was doing.
We were about to have a serious sit down at the big table.
With His Son.
PLEA BARGAINING MY WAY OUT OF PURGATORY
Doesn’t Cut It When Divinity Enters The Courthouse.
The beat down – Love Intervention – was coming.
All of it.
In bits and pieces.
Fed to me slowly.
I’d lost my appetite for remorse.
FATE INTERUPTS THE WORST INTENDED PLANS
When Super Bad Lies Supersede Good Intentions.
It wasn’t working out.
Of course, I was the last one to know.
“Ignorance is a shameful, unreliable co-conspirator when you usurp forgiveness to get you through the night.”
LIVING THE WAY I WAS
once never charming shortcomings manifested through Ego.
Dickwadish … a Kuchism filed under, ‘It Should Be Obvious To The Oblivious‘.
GO ON, SON …
Deferred onto to others.
“Exorcising my resentment, fears and failures … a tribulation with innocent casualties.”
The Compass Wasn’t Broken.
It pointed inward.
So, I got on with it.
I Defined My Purpose.
No one else’s …
RESTORED MY VALUES AND PRINCIPLES
Plotted the Journey Home.
The Long Way.
The First Casualty In Accepting The Truth
The prescription was a nasty little pill.
It took some time to acclimate.
THE GOOD SIDE EFFECT
To Coming Clean Is A Soul-Purifying Ordeal.
The bad side to staying dirty?
“A meaningful life wasted by a dispirited soul is a crime against the Will of Devine Love.”
WITHDRAWLS FUELED BY TEMPTATION AND DESIRE
I Needed To Be Alone.
And, so I did.
A hard new reality.
To live alone.
YES, I CRIED …
In grocery stores.
In the shower.
As I slept.
When I wrote …
MY TRUST AND TEST
To Exfoliate The Superficial Exoskeleton Of The Lesser Man I’d Become.
To answer temptation with strength and faith.
To restore faith through belief.
To believe in something far greater than Self.
better the humanly best I could be.
Digging deep within, Brother.
DICHOTOMY OF LIFE DECISIONS VS HYPOCRISY OF SELF
The Hard Rub With A Different Kind Of Happy Ending.
I’m working on it.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Soon as I figure it out.
MY CONSCIENCE HAS NEVER BEEN WRONG
Therein lies the internal conflict.
These two have rarely lived in synchronized harmony.
The clouds are clearing.
Straighter, narrower, and mostly forkless.
FAITH DOES A SOUL GOOD
I Was Losing The War of Spiritual Apathy.
A Good Thing.
Whatever Cosmic forces came to play, they wouldn’t be denied.
I gave it up …
My will to fight to hold on to insecurities, to Ego-enablers – of false pretenses of worth, importance, validity, acceptance, accumulation, esteem … and to be possessed by Self.
… To have it all.
APPRECIATE THE BOTTOM
Truth Reveals Itself When Darkness Begets Light.
The View Looking Up from below is Paradise.
More beautiful once you arrive.
There is serenity in humility.
A FAIR TRADE
Know That Penance Is Due And Payable On Demand In Full.
It finds you.
Forget Good Karma …
When you’ve only been making large deposits in the Bank of Bad Karma.
SO, WHERE’D MY GROOVE GO?
I Asked Myself.
“Can My Purpose – my soul-spewing Epiphany in Life – coexist with my inner Groove?”
And, there it was.
It went Sub Rosa – hibernating – under ground.
It woke up looking familiar but different.
In a good way.
LIFE MAKES SENSE
If You Allow It.
To serve One Master.
Accept that’s all you need.
When its the right one.
There is only One.
NOT ANOTHER RELAPSE
A Reawakening Of Truth.
Revealed and exposed.
For good, I know.
My Good Conscience is my new enabler.
LIVING MY EPIPHANY
Gratifies The Soul.
Its a modest start.
I’m crushing on humility.
I have hiccups.
More than I’d like.
NOT EVERYDAY HAS A PEACHY SNAP TO IT
Christmas Eve Didn’t …
I’m pretty sure a rainy day in May, too.
THE BLESSED LIVE IN PEACE
Find Peace In Your True Purpose.
Live A Blessed Life.
A Life With Purpose.
Thank God while you’re at it.
And, the Crickets.