It’ll Enrich The Reader’s Experience …
To recognize and celebrate we’re all Dumb As Mud on occasion. While for some, such occasion happens daily … mine dropped midweek. Sort of.
You needn’t be Einsteinian to comprehend what follows.
In fact, that would be a hindrance to its enjoyment, because none of it is rooted in Scientific Dogma, which I’ve since discovered isn’t a brand of nutritionally-balanced food for smart canines.
I THOUGHT IT WAS WEDNESDAY
On Thursday …
I shuffled through nearly half-a-day in Blissful Ignorance – which really is the best kind – Content like Cement.
Marble-mouthed humming segued into slippery whistling: Booker T’s groovy ‘Green Onions’ though it may have been Wagner’s majestic ‘Ride of The Valkyries’.
… Damn, If I Don’t Always Get Those Two Jams Mixed Up …
FUN FACT CONFESSION UNNECESSARY DIGRESSION
I Can’t Whistle … At Least Not In An Ahem, Manly Way … There I Said It …
I’m afraid I’ve had one too many full Spa Days for that. I’m a platinum member at Effeminacy. Seriously, not really.
I’m more of a gentle Lisperererer … Spitty Slurry. It’s not pretty. I’ve been told to wear a muzzle whenever I whistle, and also, to never whistle.
… Like Sylvester getting his Suffering Succotash on loitering by Tweety’s birdcage.
BACK TO THE HUMP DAY FEELING
Euphoric About Getting A Surprise Happy Meal …
With the toy I wanted.
Hot Wheels ® only, please.
.. Because One Can Never Have Enough Hot Wheels or Happy.
BEEN HERE BEFORE?
Déjà Vu Doo … De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da …
When One Experiences The Overwhelming Feeling Of Being Cursed All Over Again …
And, them Besties just aren’t behaving like Besties.
GROUNDHOG DAY CONUNDRUM
I Went On With The Self-Crafted Charade …
“Damn, If This Is Time Travel, I Want Me Some.”
What Do You Mean … I can say and do anything I want today ’cause I can go back to yesterday and wipe it all clean?
WHAT I DID
Checked Online For Yesterday’s ‘Winning’ Lottery …
Spent $2,174 in lottery tickets – Hey, I swear it’s all I had on me – playing The Same Winning Number.
No, I wasn’t taking any chances on losing. Not again.
Also, I wasn’t about to split the Jackpot with any other Time Travellers.
I Washed My Car … Knew It Wasn’t Going To Rain … Momma Didn’t Raise No Fool …
Stuck out my tongue passing a school bus full of nuns … Hey, Revenge Is A Bugger, Sisters.
Squeezed a loaf of crusty French bread … As a lapsed 2% Francophone – Way To Go, Ancestry.com – it is my Normand Birthright to pinch.
… Prepaid my taxes to the year 2043.
THE OBVIOUS BENEFITS
Of Time Travel …
Do Overs. Redux. Procrastination isn’t a Thing.
Leftovers, again? I haven’t even made dinner yet …
… Car keys are exactly where you forgot you left them.
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
It Was Actually A Moth …
That wrote the original dissertation on the Chaos Theory.
But, wouldn’t you know, a Butterfly went back in time … and borrowed it.
… Plagiarism in the Lepidoptera Order is the Leading Cause Of Insecticide.
THIS WAS WRITTEN
Today Yesterday …
While noshing on my Happy Meal.
Playing with my minature ’72 Hemi ‘Cuda ripping down an Orange Track.
… Double Loop-de-Loop.