Dollar Store Hombre

I DIDN’T SEE THIS ONE COMING

I Mean, I Don’t Fit The Marketing Demographic … And, I’m Not The Type … 

Who does?  Who is?

I’d managed to avoid the “Almost Anything For A Buck” Store

… Until Curiosity Dragged Me In.

 

OKAY, THAT’S NOT ENTIRELY TRUE

I’m A Cheap Bastard … 

I Love Sweet Deals.  I’ll Buy Crap I Don’t Need.  Just To Save Money.

“The Absence Of Creative Merchandising Also Warms My Under Carriage.”

Sure, rolls of expired Batteries next to stacks of non-stick (once only) Baking Trays piled on boxes of (You Sure They’re Really?) Bon Bons … is Next Level Product Placement Genius … How Could I Be So Wrong?

 

THE DON’T ASK

‘Because No One’s Ever Going To Help’ White Glove Service …  

“Is Why I Get Up Extra Early In The Morning.” 

And, Toss & Turn

… In Anticipation Most of The Night.

 

FUN FACT CONFESSION DIGRESSION: I WEAR CHAPS

On My Weekend Walks To Perdition …  

I Like To Take A Detour (from Blasphemous References),

And Stumble My Suburban Keith Urban Cowboy Gait – see: Chaps Confession Above / Straw Stetson-Wearing Hombre / Over-Sharing Is Caring … Never-Ever Judging … Truth is Love … 

Into The Lost Labyrinths of the local Dollarama.

 

I FEEL LIKE … AUGUSTUS GLOOP

The Spoiled, Fat Gluttonous Boy in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory …

Throwing Serious Stink Eye at The Oompa-Loompas

The Bavarian Beefcake About To Nosh Out. 

All This Crap Just For Me!

 

FUN FACT CONFESSION:  RETAIL THERAPY

Is Cheap, Plentiful And Oddly Satisfying Here …

“Hey, This Joint Ain’t So Bad Once My Attitude Adjusts.”

And, I Don’t Need To Download Coupons Or Wait For A Sale That Isn’t A Sale Sale …

… The Price Is Always Right Even When Not Much Else Is.

 

MY GO TO AISLE?

Number One …

Sponges.  Wipes.  Scouring Pads.

And, If It Sprays, Spritzes, Squirts … Liquid From A Nozzle Capped Bottle … I Lose My Freakin’ Mind.

I’ll Get Me A Dozen …

 

PLEASE, DON’T GET ME STARTED ON

Parchment Paper … 

Or, Al-Loo-Min-Nium Foil.

“Plastic Wrap … C’mon, Now … For Real?”

By The Roll, Darling.

 

YOU SHOULD KNOW

I Don’t Do Cha-Cha-Chotchies – Or, Tchotckies – When Spelling Counts.

Small Baubles.  Finicky Things.  Annoy Me.

Like Bobbleheads.  Snow Globes.  Glitter.

… Sorry I Lied About Snow Globes.  I Love Snow Globes.  I Could Live In One If I Was A Miniature Gold Fish or Tiny Aquaman or Gold Dust or Water-Proof Dandruff …  Ew, Too Much, Right?

 

FUN FACT CONFESSION:  THIS MAY BE ILLEGAL

I Take Stuff Out-Of-Packages … 

All The Time.  Everywhere I Go.  Bad Habit.

What’s Worse?

… I Fuss Insufferably To Put It Back Exactly How I Found It.

 

COOL CRAP I BOUGHT RECENTLY

Magic Duster Wipey Things …

To Keep The Dust Off, Off & Away.

Surprised, You Only Moved It?

And, Out-of Sight.

 

MO’ HANGARS

Thick, Indestructible – Purpose-Built For The Millennial Apocalypse – Clothes Hangers.

Also, Perfect For Basic Geometry.  Triangles.  Pyramid-Building.

Pop Quiz:  What Came First, The Protractor Or The Hangar?

Answer:  The Protractor By A Mathematician With Wrinkled Pants …

 

BASKETS

If I Was To Have A Legal Fetish … 

It’d Be Baskets.  Cases.  Of Them.

Got A 3-Pack A While Back.  Epic Purchase.

… Changed My Life.  

 

SHMATAS FOR THE CUCINA, BELLO

Rags To Clean The Kitchen … 

Tea Towels Are My New Old School Thing.  Cottony.  Soft.

“I’m Quite Sure I Was A Baba, Nonna, Bubbe, or YiaYia In A Previous Life.”

Stripes.  Checks.  Stained.

 

Photo by Pixabay  

 

29 thoughts on “Dollar Store Hombre

  1. da-AL

    Fun post — I never have much luck at those places — terrible return policies & their stuff breaks as soon as I get it home. Worse, I’ll see later that it wasn’t even that cheap considering the mini sizes…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. inhiscare753

    Please tell me you purchase the things you open. Dollar Tree is my favorite $1 Store. Nothing is above a dollar…lol…they have such sweet deal. Myth classic things they sell is expired or junk. Glad you ventured in or out??? The deals you can find and money saved is a plus. There is something for everyone. My oldest mini me,started a Dollar Tree page and has over 51K followers. Needless to say she loves paying a dollar, sweet deals and sharing her finds. Great Post

    Liked by 2 people

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