Gran Botón Rojo, Esq.

WEIRD IS NOT KNOWING

Just How Many Buttons You Have … 

So, I Counted.  In The Lamest Of Sorted Ways.  Guestimation, Darlings.

Turns Out About 500.  More (Probably Way More).  Still Way Too Many, And Strangely, Not Enough.

Quickie Confession: All But 5 Are Sewn Onto My Clothes.”

 

OF THE NICKEL-NUMBERED BUTTONS

I Can’t Find Exactly One … Of Course, Its The One I Need.

The Other 4 Defrocked Infidels Are Shacked Up.  Together.  Living The Slackers Pipe Dream.

“In A Tiny Plastic Baggy With An Unnecessary Ziploc Strip.  To Keep Them Fresh?  

Safe Haven From The Needle & Thread.  Or, So They Thought.

 

THE LIFE OF BUTTON

They’re Pack Creatures …

Communal Tribe.

More Kibbutzing

Than Starbucking Types.

 

THE 5 OF THEM

Got Nervous A Few Weeks Back …

When I Returned Home From My Dollarama Pilgrimage.

“Imagine The Horror On A Saturday Afternoon?”

As I Presented To Them A Mini Sewing Kit.

 

FIRST, CARL

And, Now … Gran Botón Rojo … Big Red Button …

AWOL.  Gone, Bebé, Gone.  MIA.

I’m Sick Over It.

… Poor Things Deserted.

 

THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD

Dropped A Buck-And-A-Half At The Dollar Store …

“Because I’ve Got That Kind Of Cake To Lay Down … On Schmaltzy Sh!t.”

32 Needles In The Kit.  31 Entirely More Than Required.  Also, 32 More Than I Want.

Plus, 12 Reels Of Thread.  9 In Colors I’ll Never Use And Doubt Are Officially Recognized By The Rainbow.  The 3 Shades of Purple – Lavender, Lilac And Plum – Are Keepers.

 

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL

A Thimble.  Tape Measure (I Have 14 Now, Don’t Hate).  And, The Smallest Scissors, Too …  

Intervention / Digression: My Mane Stylist – Lovely Kathy – Asks Me Every Month In A Delightful Middle Eastern Accent Infused With Rosewater, Honey, Figs And Pistachios:

“Seizures, Mike-Al?”

Which, Of Course, I Mistake For “Caesars” …  You Know, The Roman Empirical – Julius – Hair Style … And, The Vodka Cocktail Made With Canadian Clamato Juice.  Confused?  Hence, My Hair Issues Are Now Yours, Vicariously.

 

GRAN BOTÓN ROJO, ESQUIRE

Botón Is A Magnificent Button … Regal … Blood Red.

Elegant.  Poised.  Cultured.

“So Impeccably Crafted From The Finest Artisanal Plástico From Andalusia.”

… My 6 Cufflinks Are Jealous.  French Bastards.

 

SO SEW

I Will … 

The Four Surviving Butone’s.

One-By-One.  Onto Shirt Cuffs.  Under The Collar.

In Memory Of Gran Botón Rojo, Mi Amigo.

 

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

23 thoughts on “Gran Botón Rojo, Esq.

  1. Cathy Granert

    “Seizures, Mike-Al?” I’m dying! Love it. I have accent envy. I would love a Delightful Middle Eastern Accent Infused With Rosewater, Honey, Figs And Pistachios. I can put one on but it’s filled with packing titas, joe-sep! and pork cracklings.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ashleyleia

    I’ve been accumulating spare buttons for the last 20 years and I don’t think I’ve ever used one. I’m also fascinated by the rainbow hues in mini sewing kits. They seem to have been designed with the 80’s in mind.

    Liked by 2 people

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