Buffy & The Porsche

I LOVE CLEVER CLICK BAIT

Of Which Exactly None Are Known To Exist … On The World Wide Web … 

While Writing Another Post Yesterday, I Moseyed Across A Digital Ad From BLUE Cat Food

Then Tapped On The Green Icon:

“Will 2020 Be Your Cat’s Healthiest Year?”

 

SOMETHING ABOUT BUFFY

Legally, I Share In One-Quarter Ownership Of My Cat, “Buffy Midnight” … With Unrestricted Visitation Rights … And, All The Privileges And Rights Associated With Financially Supporting Her Through Feline Adolescence, Into Early Adulthood And Beyond.

Buffy’s A Stunning Tabby – Breathtaking, Really … In A Cleopatra Meets Angelina Jolie Meets Catherine Deneuve Kind Of Way (It’s Not Weird) – With Gray & Light Brown Markings And White Tummy And Mittens.  So, Cute As Hell.  Did I Mention Her Impossibly Beautiful Green Eyes?  Or Not Quite Pinkish Nose?

She Was Born In A Barn, And I Suppose, Considered A Former Rescue Kitten.  We Haven’t Had This Conversation Yet.  I Promised I Would And Now 4 Years On, It’s Time She Learns About Her True Provenance … And, What It Costs Me To Maintain Her Fabulous Lifestyle.

“Buffy’s Been Tested For Allergies And Is Sensitive To Many Foods … Restricted To A Special Diet By Her Veterinarian … ‘Scientific’ Cat Food That Is Ridiculously Expensive … And, The Prime Reason I’m Not Driving A Porsche; However, As Fate May Have It, The Good Doctor Is Nicely Situated In A Kuchedesque 911 Turbo S …”

 

SO, I CLICKED ON THE LITTLE GREEN TAB

And, Followed The Prompts …

Answered A Few Vital Questions About Buffy’s Age, Gender, Dietary Restrictions …

Then It Got Personal: Her Favorite Toy, Places She Likes To Hide, What Animal Species Does She Identify As (Buffy’s Non-Committal At Time Of Writing, But Leaning Toward Yeti), If She Sleeps The Recommended 22-1/2 Hours A Day … now, wait for it …

“If She Could Only Lick One Body Part 30 Times Every Minute, Which One Would She Choose And Why?”

 

OF COURSE IT IS …

The Survey Is Designed To Summarize The Perfect BLUE Brand Cat Food Formula For Your Cat …

Turns Out Buffy Is Best Suited To Nosh On BLUE Basics:

“Grain-Free Duck & Potato Recipe.”

Quack, Again?

 

I’VE ORDERED DUCK

Twice In My Life …

Once, On A Business Trip – Job Interview – To Los Angeles On The Suggestion Of The Waiter.  (BTW, I Got The Job … Didn’t Want To Keep You Guessing … Company Went Into Receivership Few Years Later … Clearly, A Coincidence … And, Here I Am.)

And, About A Year Ago Because I’d Lapsed My Good Sense At A Fine Chinese Restaurant.

I Don’t Care For Duck.  I Love Cats.  Want A Porsche.

 

SO, WHAT’S IT GOING TO BE?

Life’s Occasionally About Making As Few Stupid Choices As Possible, Right?

And, Cliché Idioms: Like Having Your Cake And Eating It, Too.

So, I’ve Come To A Grand Conclusion – One Fair Enough To Both Buffy And Me – With A Small Compromise:

“Buffy Stays Blissfully Situated In The Lofty Lifestyle She’s Grown Accustomed To And Expects, Including Dining On Duck And Other Fowl Like Quail, Pheasant And Partridge … And, We’re Also Finally Getting A New Porsche – Model Toy Car – We Can Both Play With.”

 

Image by Capri23auto from Pixabay

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