Spring Prelude To Losing My Mind

I’M DONE WITH WINTER

Mitigating Saint Valentine’s Day … Was The Last Straw … After The Cold Snap This Week.

Alrighty, All Y’AllesesYep, It’s The New English Colloquialism I’m Speaking (One Post Only) And It Seems To Be Serving Me Quite Well In My Apocalyptic Blog Fog – Never Mind That Nonsense And Kindly Answer This Query (Below In Comments, Or Not):

“How’d It Go Yesterday?”

… As For Me, Well, I Meh’d The Hell Out Before Leaving Home.  I’d Had Enough Of Smiley Hearts.  Pink Sour Candies Taunting Me.  Chubby Cupid (Childhood Obesity Is Real In Online Anime) With His Always Fabulous Blonde Baby Curls.  Toy Bow & Arrow?  As If That’s Ever Worked.

 

BY 10:27 AM THE FULL DIGRESSION WAS ON

I’d Forgotten What Hallmark Holiday It Was … And, Losing My Mind … 

I Actually Wished Someone A “Happy Easter” While I Was Shopping For An Egg Dying Kit At A Dollarama Store:

“Hording Up As I Do On Sundry Supplies I’ll Likely Never Use … Armed With A Grandiose Plan On Getting A 4-Weekend Jump On My Spring Holiday Crafting Initiative … Knowing Nothing Keeps As Well As Hard-Boiled Eggs Stored At Room Temperature For A Month.”

I Also Received A Festive Seasons Greeting” In Return From The Always Cordial Cashier Linda.  Or, Gayle.  I Get Them Confused.  Sometimes, They’ll Switch Name Tags Just To Jerk Me Around.  We’ll Laugh About Later In The Parking Lot.  Those Two Jokers.  Anyway, Linda Is Married To Gayle’s Ex’s First Cousin Kirk Or Kurt or Darryl.  Never Mind.  Sorry, I Just Remembered Linda Is The One With The Cranberry Henna Rinse And Bangs Clipped A 1/2 Inch Above Her Barely There Eyebrows.   Gayle’s Favorite Color Is Aubergine, Which Is In The Same Color Family As Cranberry.  Okay, Close Enough By My Color Wheel.  Maybe Now, You Can Appreciate My Dilemma.  Only Way I Can Tell Them Apart.  Plus, Gayle Is Allergic To Peppermint …

FUN FACT CONFESSION

I Swear My 12 Year-Old Neighbor, Gianfranco-Giancarlo-Gianjuantonio Jr. – aka: TripGeeGansta – Was Carving A Pumpkin On His Front Porch.

“A Magnificent Jack O-Lantern With A Nutella Mustache Bordering On Predatory Creepiness.  It Might’ve Looked A Little Too Much Like Me (Sans The Thin Hazelnutty Frosted ‘Stache), Plainly Enough To Be Unnerving.”

Point Is.  None.  But, Perhaps, We’re Over Holiday’d Out … A Mere 6-1/2 Weeks Into 2020.  And, Damned.  And, Confused.  If You Need Further Proof Of Retail Merchandising Idiocy, Please Venture Back To The Bane Of Holiday Jumpers.

So, If The Kids Are Confused What Hope Is There For The Rest Of Us?

 

Image by Wokandapix @ Pixabay

13 thoughts on “Spring Prelude To Losing My Mind

  1. Suzette Benjamin

    Oh, just hilarious Michael. You made me smile. I liked your idea that the store staff switched their name tags just to trip you up. Sometimes, where I shop, I think they do that to me too!! LOL. All the best with your egg art project.😂😂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Michael A. Kuch

      Smiles are always welcome and encouraged here, Suzette. And, I appreciate yours so … as a side, I like name tags. I tend to refer to people by their names if I see they’re wearing one. Only 4 more weekends before completing my painted Egg Portfolio. 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Writer of words

    Here’s a nice *typically female* contradiction for you:

    I got several boxes of chocolate for Christmas and made an off-hand comment that this would last me well past Valentine’s day.

    Um…no.

    I AM PARTLY SWISS IN CASE YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN. :p

    Anyway, imagine my surprise when my mom gifted the children, MY CHILDREN, with giant boxes of good quality chocolate for Valentine’s day AND I GOT NONE.

    Should I be happy? Or sad? Or confused? What?

    Anyway, Easter is not far off…and as you say, the stores are pushing all the chocolatey wares down our throats already…

    PS I like raspberry or lemon filled chocolates, or those with nuts. There, now the internet knows.

    (argh) 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

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