Chatty, Hungry Cannibals (Part 1)

CONTINENTAL BREAKFASTS

Are Not What They Used To Be … As A Savvy Enough Business Traveller, I’ve Learned That “Continental” Is Hospitality Code For “Eat Something Before Going To Breakfast …” 

Considering, The International Trade B-Listers I Was Noshing With Last Thursday Morning At The Toronto Congress Center, The Two Meh Munchable’s Resting On The Pretty White Saucer Underwhelmed My Lofty Expectations Of Being Fed.

Testimony Coming From A Simple Man Thrice-Voted (2008, 2011, 2017 Polls):

“… The 4th Easiest-Dude-On-The-Planet-To-Please … In Both The ‘Keep The Gluten In Baked Goods’ And ‘It Looks Edible Enough / Don’t Cha Know Yoghurt Never Expires On Breakfast Buffets’ Categories) …”

 

PINEAPPLE SLICES

Aren’t Supposed To Look Like … They’ve Been Bleached.  And, Genetically Neutered Of Fructose & Tangy Sweetness. 

Or, Rendered To A Pallid, Demi-Glaze Of Sinewy Fibers Dipped In Wax

Think (Empathy, Folks): A Lovely Vision Of An Over-Cardio’d Elliptical Skeletor Queen Bee / King Flea Getting A Warm Glow On.  Sure, It Almost Looks Healthy, But Really Isn’t A Bit Of Sugar, Starch, Carbs And Fat What Keeps Us Sane?

“Now, What The Hell Would Chadwick Gates Think About … The Great Southern Hawaiian Fruit Company’s Quality Assurance?”

 

MICRO MUFFINS

Oh, My, Was It Bran Or Carrot Or Chocolate Chip? 

Kuched Epicurean Tip To Resident Pastry Chef Doug:

If The Single Raisin Is Bigger Than The Muffin, Please Call It:

“… A Battered And Baked Grape, And Stop Getting Its Damn Hopes Up … Sitting Next To The Buttery Croissant …”

 

STARBUCKIN’

Bucky’s Made A Guest Appearance On The Buffet Conga Line

Offering 4 Nearly Quaffable Varieties:  Why Decaf?  Hazelnut-Praline-Pistachio Brittle.  Pumpkin Molasses, Ew!  And, Presumably Potable. 

“I Opted For A Special Halfsy Blend – aka: Mick’s Artisanal Small Batch In A Cup – Of Pumpkin Molasses, Ew! & Presumably Potable.”

Please Ask Your Bestie Barista (Ph.D Candidate) Working The Faema At Your Local Bucky’s That Kuch Recommended It.  Marshall Will Know Exactly What The Hell I’m Talking About.

 

ALL THIS

And, An Untimely Hug … From A Friendly Face … While Juggling My Cup, Saucer And Latest Regret.

Moments Before I Took My Place Seated Between A Surprisingly Affable Atomic Blonde – A Shame Charlize Theron Couldn’t Make It; Ditto Jennifer Lawrence And Scarlett Johansson – And, The Least Friendly Biped On The Planet I’m Certain I Saw Featured On Netflix’s Latest Hot Doc:

“Women Who Kill Guys Wearing Turtlenecks At Trade Summits.”

Nestled Close To The Big Turk Wearing 9 Rings – He Was Missing A Thumb? –  With The Mini Red Flags, And The 30 Odd Delegates All Wondering The Same Thing:

“What Was The Slick Cat In The Turtleneck Doing Here?”

 

Image by Alexas_Fotos from Pixabay

6 thoughts on “Chatty, Hungry Cannibals (Part 1)

  1. Writer of words

    Business trip for an aviation conference I attended in the late 90s: continental breakfast at the Red Roof Inn in some obscure place in New York consisted of a large plastic tray of dried out pastries crawling with tiny little bugs.

    SERIOUSLY.

    But back then we didn’t have smart phones or this would have been all over social media.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Suzette Benjamin

    Wonderful post Michael, Thanks for the laughs – pineapples dipped in wax and mmmicro muffins smaller than one raisin – way too funny😂🧁. Thanks again. I hope the rest of the Conference was rewarding for you. Cheers.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.