Purple. Pricks. Popsicles.

IS THERE A BETTER WAY

To Imitate A Rainbow … Than By Tie-Dyeing A T-Shirt?

Possibly, Like Noshing On Skittles Watching Light Refract Through A Glass Prism.  Grazie, Bill Nye.  The Science Guy.

“Or, Getting Out A Garden Hose And Arching A Spray Of Mist Through Sunny Rays While Slurping An Orange Popsicle … Feeling Its Sugary Juice Melt Down Your Chin.  There’s That.  Plus, Its Mildly Erotic.”

For The Moment, I Can’t Find My Prism And Its Dark Outside As I Write.  Also, I’m Fresh Out Of Popsicles And Sunshine, Which I Normally Have Jacked Up At Home.

 

DIGRESSION: ONCE UPON MY 11 YEAR-OLD SELF

Back When I Was Morphing From Little Mikey – I Know, Cute AF, Right? – To Just Mike … These Are Pre-Michael Days … So, Mich-less, But On My Way To Mick.  Always, Kuched.

“I Was Doing Fifth Grade Penance In Mr. Cortese’s Home Room Class At Parkdale Public School.  By The Way, Cortese – Anthony – Was A Prick.  Tony The Tiger Dick.”  

T-Boner Was One Of Two Assholes I’ve Had For Teachers.  The Other Ass Stain Was My Seventh Grade Music Teacher, Mr. Tracey.  A Buddy Holly Clone.

Cortese Knew That I Knew He Was Mean And Miserable, And It Bothered Him That A Kid Had Figured Out His Shortcomings.  Condescending.  Heterophobic Before It Was A Thing.  Weird-To-Creepy.  It Was Twinky’s Shitty Class Where I Learned To Tie-Dye And Make A Beautiful Mess Of Color.

 

BACK TO ART – THE CLASS – NOT GARFUNKEL

I Remember A Couple Things …  

“Rolling And Twisting The Plain White T-Shirt Infinite Ways.  This Would Come In Handy A Few Years Later Watching An Older Brother Roll Joints From Skunky Home-Grown Weed He Attempted To Cultivate On The Window Sill Of The Bedroom We Shared.”  

Tying Thick Rubber Bands Around The Chunk Of Cloth.  And, Dipping.  Without Latex Gloves.

The Dye Job Came Out Mostly Purple – On Purpose – And Green, With A Pretty Halo Of Yellow And Blue.  My Preferred End Of The Color Spectrum.  Is There Any Significance To These Color Choices?  Yes.  My T-Shirt Looked Cool-As-Shit.  And, It Pissed Tony The Twink All The Way Off.

 

THE COLOR PURPLE

I Was Pretty Sure I’d Invented It Around 1973 …

Turns Out I Didn’t.

“One Fateful Sunday Morning, I Saw A 1970 Plymouth Barracuda In Plum Crazy Purple Muscle Down The Street While I Sat My (Then) Scrawny Ass On The Front Steps Sucking My Chops Through A Popsicle.”

Watched My Two Loves Having An Affair.  Cars – And – Purple.

 

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon from Pexels

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