Dig This …

I’LL NEVER OWN A BUNCH OF STUFF

Some Cool Shit …  

And, Crappy Fluff, Too.

Either Way.  I’m Almost Good.  The Way It Is.

… Here We Go Now … 

 

NEVER SAY DON’T

Farm Truck.  Rubber Duck.  Gambler’s Luck.

Church Pew.  Mountain Dew.

Another G.I. Joe.

Boat To Row.

 

THAT’S NICE

Fuzzy Dice.  Old Spice.  Head Lice.

A Sexually Transmitted Disease.

Selfie Stick.

… An Iguana Named Rick.

 

SWEET

Corn Rolls.  Mullet.  Porn Stache.

Face Tat.  Prison Tat.  Ass Hat.

Tawny Highlights In My Hair.

… Pierced Flesh.

 

HIPSTER

Man Bun.  Murse.  Dirty Beard.

Non-Prescription Glasses.

Ankle-Fearing Jeans.

… Hems That Point Up.

 

A FACE

That Isn’t Smackable … 

Eyes That Hide Truth.

Lips That Stay Shut.

… A Tongue That Doesn’t Wiggle.

 

A REASON

To Die … 

To Kill.

To Hurt.  To Blame.

… To Shame.

 

HELL NO

Skin Box.  Snuff Box.  Dirty Litter Box.

Reason To Hate.

Subjugate.

… Propagate Lies.

 

UNNECESSARY

Flowbee.  Chia Pet.  Rubik’s Cube. 

Bat Cave.  Microwave.  Rice Cooker.

Whistle.

Shaft.  Coal Mine.  Yellow Canary.

 

JUST, NO

Raspberry Beret.  Beretta.  Rifle.

Nazi Memorabilia.  Satanic Paraphernalia.  Ouija Board.

Snare.  Animal Trap.  Swiss Army Knife.

 … Fishing Hook.

 

FLORA & FAUNA

Fern …  

Bambi Poster.

Turtles.  Goldfish.  Petrie Dish.

… Plastic Plants.  Fake Flowers.  Fleur di Lis.

 

HAUTE COUTURE

Tartan Kilt.  Lederhosen.  Leather Chaps.

Sequined Jumpsuit.  Furry Cape.  Candelabra.

Knee-High Socks.  Neon Unitard.  Camo Beater Tee.

… Alligator Do-Rag.

 

MORE EW, NO

A Hunter’s Trophy.  Antlers On The Wall.  A Pelt Runner.

Koi Fish.  Taxidermy Gift Card. 

Red Sharpie.

… Syringe. 

 

I WISH

Bowling Shoes …  

Mensa Membership.

Fountain Pen.

… Pet Liger.

 

BODYLICIOUS

Beer Gut.  Imaginary Lat Syndrome.  Chicken Legs.

Skinny Ass.  Ugly Feet.

Shorter Neck.

… Fat Toes.

 

THE REALLY NOW

A Sitar.  Mythical Minotaur.  Bones Of A Tyrannosaurus Rex. 

Hornet’s Nest.  Kevlar Vest.

Inflatable Raft.

… PlayStation.

 

THE MEH

Green Eggs & Ham.  SPAM.  Toe Jam.

Rabbit’s Foot.  Chimney Soot.

Zoot Suit.

… Jackfruit.

 

ALL ABOUT ME

New Regrets. 

Smoker’s Cough.

Another Bad Habit.

… My True Potential.

 

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

Got Something On Your List?

Never Going To Own?

Can Live Without?

… Give Me A Shout.

 

Photo by Caleb Oquendo from Pexels

21 thoughts on “Dig This …

  1. Jim Borden

    this needs to be turned into a rap song, or something like “I Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel.

    and I have to admit, I have owned the following: Old Spice – it was my dad’s choice, and I used to use it for a long time, and wouldn’t hesitate to do so again; a Rubik’s Cube – in fact I’m looking at it as I type; bowling shoes – back in the day; rice cooker; ouija board (which my mom returned because it didn’t work); and I’ve had jackfruit – not too bad!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael A. Kuch

      You nailed it, Jim. Perhaps, we can Karoake it someday? 🙂 I’m thinking of sampling a backbeat from “You can call me Al.” Could work, or “I’ve been everywhere.” … Been to Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota, Buffalo …

      I’m guilty of Old Spice (think it was gifted to me in High School). Maybe, it was Hai Karate. I tired Jackfruit about a month ago in a vegan pulled pork. Not bad. Happy Easter.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. ashleyleia

    My new uniform just might have to be Tartan Kilt. Lederhosen. Leather Chaps. Sequined Jumpsuit. Furry Cape. Candelabra. Knee-High Socks. Neon Unitard. Camo Beater Tee.… Alligator Do-Rag.

    In particular the combination of neon unitard, lederhosen, and leather chaps sounds awfully fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. JustBeingMe

    I’d love to be clever enough to write like you do. Lots of stuff on your list I’d never own. I’d never own a fur or snake skin anything. Never Botox or fake body parts. Lots of other stuff I’m sure but that’s what comes to mind right now. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Michael A. Kuch

      Trust me, I’m not very clever … but, thank you. I get by mostly by smoke and mirrors. 😊. I’m with you on fur and snake skin. Creeps me out. Silicone and Botox must be an acquired taste. Thanks for sharing,

      Liked by 1 person

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