30 thoughts on “My Day Of Disgrace

    • Michael A. Kuch

      Good afternoon, Alessa … you’re certainly not simple-minded … it’s me being an insufferable blowhard getting all twisted in his words and nonsense that often causes one to reconsider the idiocy unravelling before them 😊

      Thank you so much for the Ideal Inspiration Award 2020. I’ll save it my blogging calendar and get busy with it shortly. 🙏

      You absolutely have the coolest (and I’m assuming, truest 😳) blog title on WP.

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  1. Alessa Moon

    I cannot tell you how deep a chord this struck within me. I understand the pain of having been forgiven for something you find unforgivable… the mental struggle of trying to move forward when you cannot erase what’s behind you. Hang in there, my friend. This too shall pass (even if only for a time.) *Virtual hug!*

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    • Michael A. Kuch

      I appreciate you candidness in sharing, Alessa. Thank you for putting into words the struggle all of us go through in our lives. Battling the past decisions and regrets, especially when one’s action hurt others. This is one day on the calendar I wish I could skip. I can’t, so I move through in the best spirit possible. Virtual hug back 🙏

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  2. Finding a Sober Miracle

    Forgiving myself was the most radical and all-encompassing decision I’ve ever made. But it’s a decision and not a feeling, at first. I had to decide that I was worthy of complete forgiveness before I could believe it. It was the only path forward for me — releasing my attachment to guilt. I still have to let go of memories, one by one, but they’re less potent every time. My change in mindset came first from the book “A Return to Love,” written 20 years ago, but everyone’s path is different.

    What I do know is that you are as worthy as I am of complete and perfect forgiveness.

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    • Michael A. Kuch

      Thank you for reading and sharing your account of forgiveness. I’m happy to learn of your strength to forge on in your journey and detach from guilt that can only cripple one’s spirit. It’s mostly this particular day I struggle with. I have forgiven myself, though it’s the loss and residual hurt I did to others that lingers. I shall look for “A Return to Love”. 🙏

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    • Finding a Sober Miracle

      Thank you for being so generous with your comment … it just happens that I’ve spent decades dealing with this personally. I don’t believe in guilt, I now tell my husband. He just nods his head. ; ) All of my guilt involves other people as well, especially my children. In following A Course in Miracles (what A Return to Love is based on), you realize that you can change the effects of the past, which were simply mistakes. At the heart of the teaching is that we are all perfectly innocent, and there is no such thing as sin except in our own clouded minds. Very comforting.

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    • Finding a Sober Miracle

      I wasn’t raised this way either. I was certainly clouded by sin, and was taught that that was the truth. It certainly felt that way.
      I’ve thought a lot about this, and I think there is a kind of allure to guilt, like you’re taking responsibility by punishing yourself. But now I know (like you said) it’s totally toxic. Giving up the idea of guilt felt like I was letting myself of the hook, as if that was a bad thing.
      In my spiritual “recovery” I have a view of the world that’s so much kinder. I’ve been shown over and over again that forgiveness is complete, as if the mistake never happened. That’s the way an omnipotent God says it is. I have to forgive in the same way as well, which takes time. But “washing away” means gone forever. In the present, we are completely innocent, and the present is all there is.

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    • Michael A. Kuch

      I feel a certain indebtedness and obligation to serve penance in my own accord, and with it, an inability to break free and be guiltless unless I serve it fully and unconditionally.

      There is a fear of guilt returning as the sin is repeated, which almost assuredly it will.

      I have an easier time with forgiveness when it comes to others. The conflict is ever present.

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    • Finding a Sober Miracle

      I know what you mean. I try to perform “living amends” to people, but I know I’ll reoffend in the future. I admire your insight into your own psyche. So the penance sounds like a sentence that you have imposed upon yourself. It’s the perfect metaphor from what I’m trying to break free of … the guilt that most of my life I’ve taken as fact. But many of the things I’m “guilty” of happened decades ago and I’ve asked for forgiveness for them. Children can be made to feel guilty at a very young age, long before they can question whether it’s deserved. I think of myself like that, exactly. I was taught that guilt was legitimate and deserved. I now question the whole foundation of that thought system. I found out recently that my son feels terrible about something he did, involving me, that happened a decade ago. Would I want that for him? No. I barely remember the incident. I also know he was undergoing tremendous stress, and was just a boy, really. I want him to be released from that guilt entirely, forever. I never judged him, therefore he cannot judge what he supposedly did to me. I forgive him because he asks for it, not because he’s guilty. This, to me, symbolizes our entire relationship with God. God doesn’t forgive because he doesn’t judge. We judge, and harshly. My son mentioned “making it up to me.” I would never want him living under that kind of misplaced responsibility. If I, as a flawed human parent, feel that way, wouldn’t a universal all-loving power feel the same?

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