Slapathy!

THE BIGGEST KICK

Is The One …

We should give to our self – Square-on-the-Keister … or the other side – anywhere will do.

Whatever you can hit, make it your best shot.

… Don’t Worry, You Can Take It.

FUN FACT CONFESSION

It Ain’t Easy Being A Contortionist … 

So, you’ll need to practice to be pliable in Mind, Body and Spirit to make it work.

Just don’t get too hung up on self-flagellation and make a mess of things.

… A little of your own Butt-Whipping Goodness is all it takes to get things done around the fleshy Temple you’re Leasing.

JUMP OR PUMP?

If Kicking Butt’s Not Your Thing … Heel’s Up, Buttercup!

Pump a Fist The Air as high as you can.

And, how about a Daily Deuce of Self Love with a Hug & Smile to Self?

… To Let You Know You’re All The Way In This.

WAITING

Is Not An Option … Or Loittering Around For Someone Else To Do it … 

Standing on the Shoulders of Those Brave Hearts Who Did The Heavy Lifting, Toiling For Your Benefit?

Hasn’t worked out quite so well.  Who needs that calamity of guilt hanging over them?

Wishing Thinking does nothing but employ futile fantasy and negate focus on what matters.

HIM

You Can Be God’s Happy Little Helper … 

“Oh, Yeah, He’s Watching … Waiting …”

By enabling Fate (Ask Him for details on the Get-Back-To-Living-Life Program that works best for you).

… You May Have To Derail Your Actions – Get The Heck Out Of Your Own Way – To Give It A Fighting Chance.

SLAPATHY

It’s A Neo-Kuchism I Think (I Made It Up) … Or, Maybe Not … 

Giving Apathy A Smackdown so hard it can’t remember its dumb name.

What needs to be done, must be done by You.

… If You Want To Get Someplace Worth Going.

GET ELEVATED IN LIFE

How Ever You Roll … Get Rolling … 

Uphill, Downhill, Over Easy … its All The Same.

Whatever the Good Cause

… Make It Your Cause.

MAKE YOU

The It … All Of It.

The Conduit To Miracles Everyday.

Soul Architect To Your True Purpose.

… Life Justified.

 

Photo by Zain Ali from Pexels

 

 

 

Love Nosh

SUNDAY LEFTOVERS

Sharing My Lunch Today … 

Eating Clean – Forgiveness, Compassion, Tolerance – served on a Big Plate of Faith.

“Light On The Guilt, Please … I’m Saving Room For Gratitude.”

… My Monday Feast.

 

Image by Pixabay

Ah-May-Zing?

OF COURSE IT IS

If You Haven’t Already … I’m Asking Nicely … 

Now is the perfect time to stop using this insufferably hyperbolic Idiom.

To the habitual user (serial abuser), a kind request – consideration – to please refrain from another impulsive chorus …

… The annoyingly slow-as-molasses, exaggerative annunciation (of its three trite syllables) could use a sabbatical from popular social commentary vernacular. Continue reading “Ah-May-Zing?”

It, Not It

MY ‘IT’ DAY

Make It Yours, Too … 

If you like It.

Whatever we do about It.

… Play It Kind, Play It Sweet.

PRAY FOR ‘IT’

What’s It All About? 

Forgiveness and Gratitude, make It right.

Thank God Above.

… Tell Him All About It.

DON’T MAKE ‘IT’ A PROBLEM

It Starts With Good …     

We Make It Better.

So, go for It.

… You’ll Find It Inside.

BIT OF IT

Will Get You Through The Day … 

Dark or light.

You needn’t explain It.

… To be It. 

YES ‘IT’ MATTERS

So, I’m Taking My Time … The Long Way Home … To Get It Right.

Slowing It down.  Thinking about It.  Doing It.

How Sweet It Is.

… I’m Loving It.

GET OVER ‘IT’, GET ON WITH ‘IT’

You Know What It Means … 

How It is.

Light up your It.

… It, Not It.

 

Photo by Skitterphoto from Pexels

 

 

 

 

 

Play Nice

“YA DA-UHM PHA-UHK”

Is What I Heard Him Say …    

Annunciated phonics.

Clever.

Delivered in a dialect void of thought, reason and purpose.

I doubt Hope was anywhere to be found … and Forgiveness as foreign as Love … in his hub of a miserable life.

Brandishing Hate – at will – fermented by misdirected rage was all he could offer leaning through the open window of his pick up truck. Continue reading “Play Nice”

Peddle Slower

LEARNING SELF-LOVE

Perspective In Life Takes Time Invested In Truth, Awareness And Positive Reflection.

In our blind, gluttonous rush to succeed and conquer all at any cost – to achieve and be everything we’ve ever dreamt of – we wear ourselves down to the barest thread of humanity.

Until we stress out, become ill, and collapse.

We’re left cannibalizing our Soul for another sliver of Spiritual Sustenance. Continue reading “Peddle Slower”

Confusing False Bravado With True Confidence: Self-Empowerment Built On Spiritual Strength

GIVE EGO A SLAP

It Takes All The Blame On This One.

Humility and Modesty are the true barometers of Spiritual Strength.

“Of the infinite misjudgements, tribulations and poor decisions I’ve curated in my adolescence, ushered through early adulthood and lingered on into middle-age, trumping up my confidence on a fatalistic foundation of bravado and conceit, was the most perilous work of an Ego Gone Bad.”

Continue reading “Confusing False Bravado With True Confidence: Self-Empowerment Built On Spiritual Strength”

Bubble Gum Pink

An excerpt from ‘Swayed’ – Copyright © 2014 by Michael A. Kuch

HANK PEPPER KNEW IT WAS A BAD IDEA

Going Back To Sugars.

The moment Ray Delano opened his big mouth Hank’s plans went straight to shit.  Strip clubs weren’t his thing.  Not anymore.

Ray showed up at Hank’s place Friday night, dragging a bubble gum pink Samsonite behind him like it was a rotting cadaver on wheels.

Hank figured it was about Tess, Ray’s wife.

It was always about Tess. Continue reading “Bubble Gum Pink”

Uncle Bart

An excerpt from ‘The Rose Consolation’ – Copyright © 2017 by Michael A. Kuch

I’M ZIGGY ROSE

Liar, Cheat and Thief.

If consolation for criminal ineptitude offers immunity from further judgement, I’m not very good at any of these.

A trite claim, I suppose, doesn’t make me any less culpable for what I’ve done. Continue reading “Uncle Bart”

Claire, Darling

An excerpt from ‘Café Baci’ – Copyright © 2011 by Michael Kuch

CLAIRE FLUSHED TWICE

A lady always flushes twice and never looks.

She placed the lid down on the toilet seat to remind Jack.

Gentlemanly etiquette was a desirable trait in cohabitating mates.

She stepped to the bidet, straddled the top, letting the water warm before tending to the feminine essentials with a rinse to the bottom, and patted herself dry with a towel. Continue reading “Claire, Darling”

The 7 Dumbest Things I’ve Ever Done & A Few I’m Likely To Repeat

+ 2 DUMBASS BONUS THOUGHTS FOR “MY PHUKET LIST”

This Farce Is Edited For Brevity And Believability

Delivered with mortal fear of paying Divine Restitution for rarely using my brain and common sense to get me this far along …

Its a small mercy there’s a Statute of Limitations on prosecuting stupidity.

Wait, what?

So, when exactly did it expire?

Okay, scratch that idea … Continue reading “The 7 Dumbest Things I’ve Ever Done & A Few I’m Likely To Repeat”

Hey, Rube

An excerpt from ‘The Last Meh of Chick Valentine’ – Copyright © 2017 by Michael Kuch

THE BREAKFAST CROWD AT THE KENSINGTON DELI

Thinned into a small queue waiting to pay their checks.

A quartet of dink-faced hipsters, freshly smug and failing reverence, postured around the front door, snot deep in their smart phones to notice Chick Valentine as he slipped past. Continue reading “Hey, Rube”

My Sexual Orientation Needs No Explanation: Curious Confessions Of An Obviously Straight Man With Bigger Issues

IT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE THINKING

What’re you Adorable Little Doubters thinking?

Let’s start with the facts – obvious, fabricated or otherwise – liberated for sensational effect, a requisite for scripting this gem of undeniable irrelevance.

It’s been bugging my ass – right, my puns are always intentional, off-mark and ill-executed – for almost 30 years.

Here’s how it goes …
Continue reading “My Sexual Orientation Needs No Explanation: Curious Confessions Of An Obviously Straight Man With Bigger Issues”

My Passport Renewal Ordeal: A Plea of Clemency to Neuter Redundancy

NOTHING SIPHONS THE VIRILITY OF LIFE FROM ME

Or chafes my undercarriage so excruciatingly raw, as the Soul-extracting ordeal of renewing government-issue ID.

Arguably, surpassed only by the irreverent Ontario Motor Vehicle Licensing Offices for grandiose ineptitude, time-whoring stalls, and their inimitable mantra of: Continue reading “My Passport Renewal Ordeal: A Plea of Clemency to Neuter Redundancy”

(Not) My First Blog (or Rodeo)

YOU’RE FORGIVEN – AND BLESSED – IF YOU HADN’T NOTICED

I First Potchke’d Around With Shameless, Hyperbolic, Egocentric, Self-PromotionBlogging – A Decade Ago.

A recent Global Poll reported nearly 7.6 billion people have never heard of me.

A big, unflattering number – depends on one’s perspective – expected to reach 10 billion by 2050.

Ten zeroes, folks!

How’s that for potential? Continue reading “(Not) My First Blog (or Rodeo)”