Play Nice

“YA DA-UHM PHA-UHK”

Is What I Heard Him Say …    

Annunciated phonics.

Clever.

Delivered in a dialect void of thought, reason and purpose.

I doubt Hope was anywhere to be found … and Forgiveness as foreign as Love … in his hub of a miserable life.

Brandishing Hate – at will – fermented by misdirected rage was all he could offer leaning through the open window of his pick up truck. Continue reading “Play Nice”

Peddle Slower

LEARNING SELF-LOVE

Perspective In Life Takes Time Invested In Truth, Awareness And Positive Reflection.

In our blind, gluttonous rush to succeed and conquer all at any cost – to achieve and be everything we’ve ever dreamt of – we wear ourselves down to the barest thread of humanity.

Until we stress out, become ill, and collapse.

We’re left cannibalizing our Soul for another sliver of Spiritual Sustenance. Continue reading “Peddle Slower”

Some Discomfort?: “Revenge Of The Diabolical Dentistas” – Part 2

Follow up to The Cost Of My Past Stupidity Is Crimping My Fabulous Lifestyle: “Revenge Of The Diabolical Dentistas” – Part 1

WHAT THE HELL DID I EXPECT?

Sitting In The Same Dental Chair Ten Days Later … 

I was told,

“You may experience some discomfort.”

Lying McSOB’s. Continue reading “Some Discomfort?: “Revenge Of The Diabolical Dentistas” – Part 2″

Confusing False Bravado With True Confidence: Self-Empowerment Built On Spiritual Strength

GIVE EGO A SLAP

It Takes All The Blame On This One.

Humility and Modesty are the true barometers of Spiritual Strength.

“Of the infinite misjudgements, tribulations and poor decisions I’ve curated in my adolescence, ushered through early adulthood and lingered on into middle-age, trumping up my confidence on a fatalistic foundation of bravado and conceit, was the most perilous work of an Ego Gone Bad.”

Continue reading “Confusing False Bravado With True Confidence: Self-Empowerment Built On Spiritual Strength”

Bubble Gum Pink

An excerpt from ‘Swayed’ – Copyright © 2014 by Michael A. Kuch

HANK PEPPER KNEW IT WAS A BAD IDEA

Going Back To Sugars.

The moment Ray Delano opened his big mouth Hank’s plans went straight to shit.  Strip clubs weren’t his thing.  Not anymore.

Ray showed up at Hank’s place Friday night, dragging a bubble gum pink Samsonite behind him like it was a rotting cadaver on wheels.

Hank figured it was about Tess, Ray’s wife.

It was always about Tess. Continue reading “Bubble Gum Pink”

Quasi Blasphemous Muses About The After Life: “What’s It Take For A Wretch Like Me To Get An Invite?”

I’M CURIOUS ABOUT MY CHANCES OF GETTING IN

Now What Am I Supposed To Do For An Encore?

The eternally, hopeful optimist in me figures I’m about halfway there.

The troubled pessimist?

Meh … not so much. Continue reading “Quasi Blasphemous Muses About The After Life: “What’s It Take For A Wretch Like Me To Get An Invite?””

Uncle Bart

An excerpt from ‘The Rose Consolation’ – Copyright © 2017 by Michael A. Kuch

I’M ZIGGY ROSE

Liar, Cheat and Thief.

If consolation for criminal ineptitude offers immunity from further judgement, I’m not very good at any of these.

A trite claim, I suppose, doesn’t make me any less culpable for what I’ve done. Continue reading “Uncle Bart”

Claire, Darling

An excerpt from ‘Café Baci’ – Copyright © 2011 by Michael Kuch

CLAIRE FLUSHED TWICE

A lady always flushes twice and never looks.

She placed the lid down on the toilet seat to remind Jack.

Gentlemanly etiquette was a desirable trait in cohabitating mates.

She stepped to the bidet, straddled the top, letting the water warm before tending to the feminine essentials with a rinse to the bottom, and patted herself dry with a towel. Continue reading “Claire, Darling”

The 7 Dumbest Things I’ve Ever Done & A Few I’m Likely To Repeat

+ 2 DUMBASS BONUS THOUGHTS FOR “MY PHUKET LIST”

This Farce Is Edited For Brevity And Believability

Delivered with mortal fear of paying Divine Restitution for rarely using my brain and common sense to get me this far along …

Its a small mercy there’s a Statute of Limitations on prosecuting stupidity.

Wait, what?

So, when exactly did it expire?

Okay, scratch that idea … Continue reading “The 7 Dumbest Things I’ve Ever Done & A Few I’m Likely To Repeat”

Hey, Rube

An excerpt from ‘The Last Meh of Chick Valentine’ – Copyright © 2017 by Michael Kuch

THE BREAKFAST CROWD AT THE KENSINGTON DELI

Thinned into a small queue waiting to pay their checks.

A quartet of dink-faced hipsters, freshly smug and failing reverence, postured around the front door, snot deep in their smart phones to notice Chick Valentine as he slipped past. Continue reading “Hey, Rube”

My Sexual Orientation Needs No Explanation: Curious Confessions Of An Obviously Straight Man With Bigger Issues

IT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE THINKING

What’re you Adorable Little Doubters thinking?

Let’s start with the facts – obvious, fabricated or otherwise – liberated for sensational effect, a requisite for scripting this gem of undeniable irrelevance.

It’s been bugging my ass – right, my puns are always intentional, off-mark and ill-executed – for almost 30 years.

Here’s how it goes …
Continue reading “My Sexual Orientation Needs No Explanation: Curious Confessions Of An Obviously Straight Man With Bigger Issues”

My Passport Renewal Ordeal: A Plea of Clemency to Neuter Redundancy

NOTHING SIPHONS THE VIRILITY OF LIFE FROM ME

Or chafes my undercarriage so excruciatingly raw, as the Soul-extracting ordeal of renewing government-issue ID.

Arguably, surpassed only by the irreverent Ontario Motor Vehicle Licensing Offices for grandiose ineptitude, time-whoring stalls, and their inimitable mantra of: Continue reading “My Passport Renewal Ordeal: A Plea of Clemency to Neuter Redundancy”